“Hey, I heard you're a man who can get things...”
“Ah, the wife-killing banker, did you do it?”
“I didn’t, seen as you asked”
“Ha! You’re gona fit right in here at Shawshank”
I could see why some of the boys thought he was odd, a quiet man, he had a certain walk, a certain talk, he strolled like a man in the park without a care in the world. Needless to say, I think I liked Andy Dufresne from the start.
Andy had asked me for a t-shirt, a large Fast As Fuck original print. I didn’t ask why but he said he’d like to hang it on the wall of his cell.
“It’s gona cost ya” I let him know.
“That’s not a problem, I hear those boys take payment in beer.”
Naturally I tracked down the t-shirt for Andy and he hung it with pride.
Couple years later he asked “Hey Red, you still in contact with those Fast As Fuck guys?”
“Why yes,” I replied “but you gota know where to look, rumour has it they killed somebody”
“Interesting…” Andy said “I heard they were just enjoying those beers I sent them. Anway, I’m looking for one of those XL tees they print themselves, you know the ones”
“Oh yes, that’ll be any tee they done, I’ll see what I can track down.” Several months later, after finally getting their shit together and mailing the tee, it arrived for Andy and he replaced the large tee on the wall of his cell for the breezy XL.
It was another few years before he approached me again.
“OK Red, I’m gona need that XXL latest release from them Fast As Fuck fuckers”
“Oh daym Andy, why so big?”
“Baby please. If you know, you know”
“Alright, it’s gona cost ya, there new shit ain’t some bullshit ass bottom rung t-shirt”
“Whatever it costs I’ll take it, I need it”
After many moons the t-shirt finally arrived and the XL was removed and the billowing XXL hung in its place.
On one morning’s roll call, Andy wasn’t standing out the front of his cell.
“DUFRESNE!” The Warden thundered “Get out here right now!”
But he did not emerge. Cussing, effing, blinding, the Warden marched up to Andy’s cell only to find it empty.
“Where the FUCK is that free thinking cunt bucket fucking shit for brains dick cheese??!?”
In his whirling rage of trashing the cell the Warden tore the glorious XXL Fast As Fuck t-shirt from the wall and to his shock and awe revealed a man sized escape tunnel.
As the Warden smothered his face in the t-shirt screaming and yelling, he couldn’t help but notice how soft the fabric felt against his skin 'must be some sort of Organic Cotton and Hemp blend' he thought. The print didn’t even come off in his hands, extraordinary.
Although beside himself with anger that a prisoner had duped him, he made a mental note to put an order in.
Rumours were rife the next day:
“I heard he went to finish off the family”
“No man, he has a penchant for ladyboys, he’s headed to Thailand”
“You’re wrong, he’s grown a beard and is making macchiatos in Melbourne”
But I knew all that Andy Dufresne was doing right now was digging jumps and riding his bike. I couldn’t help but think his escape was made possible by that magnificent Fast As Fuck t-shirt…
This is that T-Shirt
6 colour screen print on a "Natural" coloured (un-dyed) tshirt, made from a blend of sustainably sourced Hemp (55%) and Organic Cotton (45%)