Bubba took a long drag on his soggy cigarette extinguishing both his chemical dependency and the durrey in question. Trounce Alley hadn’t changed much, the same burning barrels, the dried up hope, buried dreams, the various vagrants and merchants adorned in trench coats.

But it was one particular Duster Bubba was prowling for this disagreeably damp evening. See the bearer of this piece had a piece of Bubba’s property. A 6 panel hat, made 100% of recycled fabric (sans thread), sewn at the hands of a Fast As Fuck member and tonight Bubba swore to take this hat back.

With his sharp slits darting from head to head it wasn't long before Bubba located said hat and began to stalk his adversary through the crowd. Laying low, occasionally stopping to peruse the trinkets lining the macs of local Trounce vendors, he made his advance subtly and slyly.

After what felt like days Bubba was finally within pilfering distance of his prize and his suspicions were confirmed when he caught sight of the bell-ended leather strap. This was Bubba's hat. Unexpectedly the man turned his head and exclaimed “Looking to buy?”

“Looking to buy” Bubba echoed.

“What are you after?” the merchant croaked as he unbuttoned, displaying a wide selection of “goods”. “ I got wildlife leopards, fish filets, rattle cans and enough beer to exhibit any depth of inhibition”

Momentarily distracted by the thought of the soft steamed bun, Bubba gobbled back a filet but pressed forward “and that hat you got, I’ll take that too”

“Ohh sorry guy, this ain’t for sale, this be one of ten and it ain’t leaving this here sweed in your grubby paws” the merchant snarled.

“Interesting…” Bubba purred.

Bubba’s instincts kicked in. He proceeded to dick rip, brain maime, arm harm, killer liver, pickle innards and before the man crumpled to the floor whisked the hat off the head of the soon to be dead merchant.

As Bubba put the hat atop his bristling head the limp mass’s eyes opened in shock.

“Holy fuck, you’re… you’re… you’re the fucking Cat In The Hat!”

But before the man could heard the response, Bubba revealed a single claw and lacerated him from ball bag to thought fort.

“No I ain’t” Bubba muttered. And it was true, this is not the Cat In The Hat, nor is this that hat.

This is Bubba, the interdimensional space cat, purveyor of mediocre millinery and these are the 9 hats that remain.


Handmade 6 panel hat, made from recycled fabric, screen printed leather patch with recycled leather watch strap fastener.