Goldielocks was fucked. She’d been out digging jumps all day and the sun had just gone down. Hungry and thirsty, she knew if she didn’t move fast she’d lose light and be stuck in the woods so she set off in the direction she thought she’d parked her Beema.

As her wandering mind considered, double step ups, un-rollers and 360 shark finned berms her wandering feet had led her astray. She plodded on aimlessly and abruptly tore her favourite long sleeve on a passing thorn bush “CUNT!”

She dashed the ruined top into the fog and carried on. As the cold was creeping over her, similar to the feeling you get when you see a man in a trench coat, she noticed a dim light coming from a cabin in the distance. With her spirits uplifted, she downed the last of her voddy and set off for the abode only to find it empty upon her arrival. 

She warmed up by the fire and began to think it best to find a new top to wear. As she searched up stairs she found a bedroom with 3 identical wardrobes… Strange she thought and opened the first wardrobe.

She took out the only top in there, a baggy fleece which had clearly seen many gallons of sweat and the incorporated elbow pads were clamped down on her arms like a Reverend to a choir boy.

“GROSS” she exclaimed “These pads are too restrictive how the fuck am I meant to move and this fleece is too fucking minging!” She tossed it over head and opened the second wardrobe.

“AHHH MY EYES” she cried, semi-blinded by the fluorescent light emitted from within. In spite of her burning retinas she tried the top on anyway. The ghastly jersey was a neon only found in a pool of stomach acid and bogies, the harsh polyseter/spandex blend immediately sent her skin into a rash and it was so tight her poor breasts had dropped 3 cup sizes!

“This Jersey is too off the rack factory, cookie cuttered, looking ugly, BULLSHIT!!!” She ripped it off and with dwindling hope opened the final wardrobe.

“What is this unearthly beauty….” She uttered, staring dreamy eyed at the gorgeous long sleeve that had entranced her. As she slipped it on the Organic Cotton and Hemp blend felt so sustainable against her skin. The hand drawn design was clearly done by dirtbag but she could feel the love and hard work emanating from it. Clearly the cretin who had printed the sleeves mismatched them but this didn’t matter she thought, it’ll look great for when I dab after downing my kombucha!

“Perhaps this is just a sample and they’ll get there shit together for the release”

She felt happy, fulfilled and joyous “Fuck those other ones, this long sleeve is juuuust right…”


This is that Long Sleeve


6 colour screen print on the back, small chest print and sleeve prints, on a "Taupe" coloured, long sleeve tshirt, made from a blend of sustainably sourced Hemp (55%) and Organic Cotton (45%) 

Long Sleeve